Samantha.

8.42

meh. its 8 45 on a friday night and im sititng at home. but its not abnormal fortonight cause tomorrow is the SAT’s. But im not sitting home because of the SAT’s, im sitting home because im racing tomorrow. and although it means missing another beach day with everyone, and not doing anything untill 2:30 in the afternoon, its what i live to do. But the thing is, i dont feel like im racing tomorrow. Dont get me wrong, i want to run, i want to run sub 2 20, i want to go to states. but i also want to go to the beach wiht my friends, i want to have a free weekend, and i want to be able to eat whatever i want. but you see the difference between those two? the first set of wants only come once a season, or twice if you want to count winter. the second set of wants i have all summer to do, but part of me just wants to go and have fun now. now. now.  But (excuse all the “buts”  i dont feel like constructing this properly) being at the track today really showed me how much i love being there, and watching people run, and talking to all of my runner friends, and having people that care about me, and watching people be ecstatically happy, and watching miracle erupt.  a 2:11?  a 10:18 from no where? 2 scraped knees and tears? people who you act like you’ve never met because of bad experiences? teammates last races? Seniors who graduated 2+ years ago? people who dont know you outside of your track clothes? coaches who know who you are but you dont know them? a new bayshore 4x1 school record? The winner of the 800 and her heat of the 4x4 running to go to PROM after running two races and being sweaty? Thats what we live for, all of us, and thats why we do what we do.  Sure, ill miss out on some inside jokes, ill feel a little left out, and i might once again go through a slight friend depression, but none of my friends know the sheer joy that comes out of winning something, even if it is just for yourself. Something that you will remember in years to come, when you forget a day at the beach a week later. 

On the other hand,on my way home today, while sitting quietly in my car thinkning about what i need to do to get ready for tomorrow something came to me. It was the last thing coach said to me up at schenectady during my post race talk. i had forgotten about it until now. and it was this : “you need to take risks. id rather see you go out there with all you got and crash and burn.”   so thats what im going to do tomorrow. im going to take a risk. im going to go out with whoever im running with, be it anna, lianne, rachel paul, fierro or brigid, and im just going to run, and if i crash and burn, hey mk you are going to need to be ready to take the baton as i fall accross the line. no matter how much we think, and how much we say that we really dont want to race, and that its not worth it, and that we wont make it…we all know we can, and we all want to, because when we step on that line, everything else goes out the window, and its just you and the girls infront, behind, and next to you that is keeping you from winning. And that, is how im going to end my season.  or continue.